Books before food (and any sort of comfortable life).
For my whole life, I’ve known that I was different. Not just the fact that I had one arm missing, but the fact that I was adopted. My parents would never tell me much about my birth parents, only just a little about my birth mother. I would fantasize about her taking me back. After all, that was all I ever wanted sometimes. My parents said that they didn’t know her last name – that her first name was all that they could remember. When I would ask them what her name was, they would tell me that her name was Rebecca. When I would ask them why she gave me up, they would say that it was because she couldn’t afford to keep me. When I would ask them if she loved me, they would say yes. But I never really believed them. If she loved me, why would she leave me? I never understood.
Today on Facebook, I got a friend request, so I naturally accepted it. It was a woman and she wanted to talk to me on FB chat. The very first thing she said was something about it being okay with my mom if I talked to her; she didn’t want me to get into trouble. This went completely over my head; I just thought she had a thing about adults talking to kids. We started talking and she didn’t really make any sense. She said things like, “oh my god you don’t know?” and “they never told you?” Needless to say, I was so befuddled. Then, after asking what the heck she was talking about, she said, “I’m your birth mother.” I wanted to scream to her – tell her that there was no way. And then I told her to prove it. She did.
After speaking with her for 74 minutes and 29 seconds on the phone, there was no doubt in my mind as to who she was. She was Becca. My birth mother. She knew where I lived. She knew my parents’ names. She knew when and where I was born. She knew how much I weighed when I was born. She said that she typed in my name into the search engine to see if maybe, just maybe, I was there. And am I glad that I was. Becca said that she always wanted me. There was never a time that she didn’t want me. She did everything in her power to keep me. But she just couldn’t. And then I understood.